The pastor’s spouse does not necessarily have to be chairman of the Women’s group, Youth Director, Music Director, organist, and congregational secretary. Neither do children of the parsonage have to be “super saints” and present at every single congregational event.
These kinds of pastoral family involvement are often done either 1) out of an unbridled excitement and love for the Lord and/or 2) to avoid fear, guilt, shame and disapproval, may, in the long-term, do more harm for the church than good. Indeed, in more cases than one may want to admit, such involvement can be characterized as “rescue” behaviors which perpetuate the dysfunctions.
Instead, consider using your best gifts for ministry in other than congregational settings (e.g. denominational ministries, local social and/or Christian ministries not directly tied to your congregation, etc.). Remember, the ministry of Christ requires people to become “world Christians.” Isn’t that the vision you really want your congregation to capture? Model it–to your congregation’s health!