Adult Children of dysfunctional families often have difficulty letting their “real self” show. Instead, they mask their dysfunctionality and anxiety behind the facade of a “false self.” The chart below, based on Charles Whitfield’s, Healing The Child Within (Health Communications, 1987), contrast the two selves.
| Real Self | False Self |
| Authentic | Masked |
| Genuine | Ingenuine facade |
| Spontaneous | Plans according to rigid schedules |
| Expansive, loving | Contracting, fearful |
| Giving, | Withholding |
| Communicative | Withdraws From Communication |
| Accepting and encouraging of self and others | Envious, critical, judgmental, self-righteous |
| Assertive | Rigidly assertive and/or extremely passive |
| Ability to be a child | Always a responsible parent |
| Needs play and humor | Runs life from “Adult” scripts |
| Vulnerable | Pretense of Invulnerability |
| Trusting | Overly Trusting and/or Distrusting |
| Enjoys giving and receiving nurture | Avoids nurture |
| Accepting of people at “face” value | Suspicious “What do they want from me?” |
| Open to the unconscious | Denial of unconscious material |
| Desires freedom and growth | Desires isolation and shelter |
| Can learn, adapt and change | Repeats toxic, painful patterns |
- Thomas F. Fischer
