Checklist for Self-Differentiation
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1. I plan at least one 24 hour period per week for myself when I do not answer the phone, pager, etc. or do any church-related work.
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2. I have at least one very close friend outside the parish, one close friend who is not a Christian, and one group outside the parish that I meet with once a month for friendship, hobby, whatever.
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3. I take all my vacation time and enjoy it; I wish I had even more.
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4. I have at least one lifetime interest outside the church (stock market, singing, sailing, golf, woodworking, baseball card collecting, etc.) that I enjoy at least once a week.
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5. My spouse and children have my complete attention when I am with them.
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6. I take a day off every week, and I don’t think about church at all.
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7. I have a prayer group or Bible study group (outside the parish) that I meet with at least once a month.
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8. I am currently involved in learning (reading, attending a class, researching, etc.) about something that has nothing to do with church.
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9. I let the answering machine pick up messages during mealtimes, meditation times, and family times.
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10. I am not working more hours per week that I agreed to work in my letter of call.
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Scoring
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# “Yes”
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Comment/Rating
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8-10
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Very good preventive maintenance on boundaries
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6-7
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Boundaries somewhat weak; work at getting a life
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4-5
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Boundaries too porous; personal or church trauma could put you over the edge; act quickly to avert impending coping mechanism failure
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1-3
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Serious boundary difficulties; get professional help.
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Italicized portions added by Ministry Health Editor
Source: Rev. Barb Schmitz, ed. Conflict Communique,
July/August, 1996, Vol. 3, No. 5, pp. 3-4.
Copyright 1996 by Rev. Barb Schmitz.
